Seventeen-year-old Rachel Newman writes about her experience with anorexia.
I always felt better when I didn't eat. I guess I believed that maybe one day I would be able to look acceptable and soon it became a way of life. I saw that I was losing weight, but that wasnt enough. I wanted to lose more.
For a very long time I believed that it was my own thoughts and it took a lot of time - about a year - to be able to accept that they weren't my own thoughts but something else.
It had convinced me that if I lost enough weight and became thin then I would also become acceptable and successful. I believed this lie for a long time.
This went on for a long time and my doctor told my parents to just let me do whatever and that I would eat when I was hungry.
I kept to myself that I was putting up with the constant bullying that no one else could see. They didn't understand and there was no way that I could tell them about my reasoning.
Looking back, that was a stupid thing to do.
I don't like seeing my reflection in mirrors as I hate everything I see. Wherever I am I always analyse the people around me to figure out who looks better than me.
Even though I'm getting better, my eating disorder doesn't stop telling me how disgusting I am, how fat I am and how I'm so worthless.
Eating disorders are not just about the food. There is so much more. They distort reality and you begin to believe these lies and nothing else. You live a life full of anxiety and fear. It's a scary way to live your life, it really is.
I've made it this far and one day, maybe I'll be able to say that I've beaten this eating disorder that has taken so much. It's not an easy thing to do.
I always felt better when I didn't eat. I guess I believed that maybe one day I would be able to look acceptable and soon it became a way of life. I saw that I was losing weight, but that wasnt enough. I wanted to lose more.
For a very long time I believed that it was my own thoughts and it took a lot of time - about a year - to be able to accept that they weren't my own thoughts but something else.
It had convinced me that if I lost enough weight and became thin then I would also become acceptable and successful. I believed this lie for a long time.
This went on for a long time and my doctor told my parents to just let me do whatever and that I would eat when I was hungry.
I kept to myself that I was putting up with the constant bullying that no one else could see. They didn't understand and there was no way that I could tell them about my reasoning.
Looking back, that was a stupid thing to do.
I don't like seeing my reflection in mirrors as I hate everything I see. Wherever I am I always analyse the people around me to figure out who looks better than me.
Even though I'm getting better, my eating disorder doesn't stop telling me how disgusting I am, how fat I am and how I'm so worthless.
Eating disorders are not just about the food. There is so much more. They distort reality and you begin to believe these lies and nothing else. You live a life full of anxiety and fear. It's a scary way to live your life, it really is.
I've made it this far and one day, maybe I'll be able to say that I've beaten this eating disorder that has taken so much. It's not an easy thing to do.
